Comrades, the Canadian Ministry of COVID compliance has initiated a complete and total lockdown of Ontario. Premier Doug Ford alerts comrade citizens they will be stopped, questioned and searched if they are out of their home. The lockdown is absolute and complete with checkpoints, suspension of civil rights laws and the implementation of a provincial Stasi authority for police to act as enforcement officers for the state.
Do not be alarmed Canadian comrades. Currently the Ontario enforcement units are not allowed to use deadly force for violations by non-compliant citizens. The state will determine your economic and social freedom based on your compliance. The Ontario COVID ministry appreciates your compliance in avoiding the dangerous virus freedom zones; and is thankful for compliant citizens who do not question the complex data analysis that goes into regional scientific tracking systems.
Remember, Canadians are all in this together; and to prove how critical this is to their society they must all stay apart.
In almost all regions of ministry control, being outdoors seems like one of the most potentially dangerous activities. Out of an abundance of caution those hubs of human activity have been shut-down. Anyone identified outside will be stopped and questioned. Violators will be prosecuted for non-compliance.
According to the most extensive study conducted so far, commercial buildings with cans of vegetables appear to be the safest venue allowing limited congregation and proximity. It is unknown if moving canned foods and sandwiches into durable goods locations, or other less traveled venues, would transfer the benefits of virus mitigation. The Ministry has a teleconference with scientists and industry experts scheduled later this week to analyze this question.
In the interim, the Ministry would like to remind you the greatest danger is your own behavior. Large box retailers with dense populations are safe-spaces. Smaller business with less density are hazards; and houses of religious worship are death traps due to their propensity to promote the most critically dangerous activity of all, fellowship.