Everything’s bigger in Texas, and Houston robbery suspect Robert Wooten is no exception. Wooten is wanted in connection with several aggravated robberies that have occurred lately on Houston’s north side. A man hunt is underway.
Police are calling Wooten the “Social Security guy.” Why? Because the notorious criminal has a tattoo with a very distinctive identifier—a social security number—probably his own—tattooed across his forehead, according to Houston police investigator Frank Heenan.
Wooten also has the numbers 713 tattooed on his neck. Police think it represents his area code. The 40-year-old suspect was not hard to track down, given all of his identifying ink.
Police say Wooten is a career criminal. The northside area of Acres Home in Houston knows him very well. In late December, Wooten was connected to several armed robbery attempts of stores like Walgreen’s Pharmacy, Metro PCS (a cell phone store), grocery store Family Dollar, pawn shops and a Valero gas station.
Naturally, most or all of these businesses do have surveillance cameras, and Wooten was clearly identified on tape. With all his tattoo identifiers, it didn’t take the Houston Police Department very long to determine his identity.
In one set of footage in the pawn shop, Wooten is seen pointing a gun to the back of the shop clerk. In another video, Wooten is shown wearing American flag shorts and telling a phone clerk to fill up his bag with money.
Wooten robbed the Valero gas station as early as October. He first asked the cashier several questions, then asked him if he cared about his life. Wooten then lifted his shirt to reveal that a gun was tucked into the waistband of his pants.
Amazingly, police say that Wooten returned to the Valero in November and stole even more cigarettes. It was easy for the clerks to identify Wooten, given all of his tattoos.
Naturally, the clerk feared for his own life. Interestingly, Wooten didn’t ask for money first. Instead he demanded different cigarette packages (no wonder, those things are expensive).
Although Wooten has been brandishing a gun, no one has yet been hurt in the multiple robberies. But Officer Heenan says it is just a matter of time before the crimes turn more serious—or even deadly. He is convinced it is just a matter of time before someone is injured.
Police are asking that people who may have seen Wooten to call the Houston Police Department at 713-884-3131 or Crime Stoppers of Houston at 713-222-TIPS. Calls to Crime Stoppers allow tipsters to remain anonymous and callers can receive rewards of up to $5,000 if their tip leads to Wooten’s capture.
So much for data privacy. Police are being nice when they call Wooten’s tattoos “distinctive.” There are other things that are distinctive about Wooten. His latest tangle with police was in July when he exposed his genitals to someone. He pleaded guilty to indecent exposure. He has been charged with pretty much every crime imaginable—theft, drug crimes, violation of protective orders, and even trespassing.
Wooten joins other Texas criminal masterminds, like Alberto Saavedra Lopez, who stole $5,000 from a bank he worked at. Later, 32-year-old Lopez applied for a job with the local police department. Shortly after the robbery, and because he was a bank employee, police naturally issued a warrant for Lopez’s arrest. When police did the background check, the warrant came up.
Duh. Lopez must have thought he was the luckiest guy in Texas when police called him to schedule a job interview. He actually showed up, and police promptly arrested him for felony theft.
The humor of the situation got the best of the police department. After his booking, police just simply could not resist informing Lopez that he was “out of the running” for the job. HA! Granted, Lopez didn’t have any strange tattoos that we know about. Hopefully he wasn’t dumb enough to tattoo the bank phone number on his forehead.
But other amazingly stupid criminals have been brought down by their even stupider tattoos. They’re not all Texans either—Americans will delight in the fact that these geniuses are scattered across our great nation. Here are just a few of the big IQ criminals we found:
Anthony Gonzales who tattooed his gang’s name on his upper lip, making him very easy for police to spot when he robbed the home of an Elvis impersonator. Gonzales was wearing a mask which didn’t cover his upper lip. How dumb can you be?
Criminal mastermind Jerome Smith, in a Wooten-esque fashion, had the word “genius” tattooed across his forehead. That made it pretty easy to find him after he pistol-whipped his pregnant girlfriend.
There are just no words…..