PUBLISHED: 9:58 PM 22 Sep 2017
UPDATED: 10:00 PM 22 Sep 2017

Airport Officials Scramble For Answers As Employees Notice “Bodily Fluid” In Private Areas

Officials at Detroit Metro Airport have confirmed that an unknown substance was present in a number of soap dispensers. Sources told local news reporters that it was obvious what the substance was.

Officials at Detroit Metro Airport have confirmed that an unknown substance was present in a number of soap dispensers. Sources told local news reporters that it was obvious what the substance was.

Officials at Detroit Metro Airport have confirmed that an unknown substance was present in a number of soap dispensers. Sources told local news reporters that it was obvious what the substance was.

Sources for a local news station reported that soap dispensers in the Detroit Metro Airport have been contaminated with a foreign substance. In fact, crews are yanking out the dispensers as fast as possible after what is being called an “unusual substance” was discovered in several locations. Officials are replacing the dispensers with ones that are tamper proof.

Although the exact “substance” hasn’t been specifically identified, sources told reporters that it isn’t harmful, just very, very disgusting. Investigators confirm that the additional material isn’t sinister, but someone with regular access to the airport restrooms apparently has a grudge.

“Our public safety department is investigating an unusual substance found in a few of our soap dispensers last week,” DTW said in a statement.

Airport authorities haven't confirmed what sources said, but they are conducting an investigation to analyze the foreign matter placed in the soap dispensers.

Airport authorities haven’t confirmed what sources said, but they are conducting an investigation to analyze the foreign matter placed in the soap dispensers.

Sources said that the foreign material wouldn’t be tested because it’s obvious what it is. They described it as a bodily fluid, but certain not spit. However, authorities have now confirmed that the substance will be tested.

Although the person who tampered with the airport soap dispensers is an obvious nut-case, the individual isn’t alone in their quest to harm others. Ken Yerdon, a 45-year-old New Yorker, was convinced that a Chili’s server had spit in his soda.

He was so sure of it that he took his drink to a police lab for DNA analysis, which is definitely on the borderline of the obsessive/crazy boundary. However, Yerdon was justified in his adamant adherence to his quest. The soda did have someone’s spit in it. He decided to seek damages for that disgusting trick.

Sources told local news reporters that the substance was a bodily fluid, but not saliva.

Sources told local news reporters that the substance was a bodily fluid, but not saliva.

According to a 2014 study conducted by Baylor University and the University of Houston, six percent of restaurant workers admit having “contaminated” someone’s food. Of course, anyone who has ever worked in a restaurant would probably put the number much higher. However, they would also probably confirm that it doesn’t happen on every occasion.

Darron Cardosa, author of the book The Bitchy Waiter, described the one time he spit in a customer’s drink. However, he also asserts that such acts are rare or even a myth. “It’s akin to the threat that parents make to their children on long road trips: ‘If you don’t behave, I will turn this car around and go right home!’” he told one reporter. “That hardly ever happens, right? It’s just knowing that it could happen that is enough to strike fear in a person’s heart,” he added.

He recommends that people not make unreasonable demands on servers, such as telling the waiter what they’re allergic to and then ordering them to explain what the restaurant has that they can eat. It’s better to find out about the food before going. It’s not the servers allergy, he says.

Now that the dispensers are being replaced with tamper proof deigns, people who travel in the Detroit Airport won't have to worry about washing their hands with someone else's bodily fluid.

Now that the dispensers are being replaced with tamper proof deigns, people who travel in the Detroit Airport won’t have to worry about washing their hands with someone else’s bodily fluid.

With service personnel, the study showed that typically the person being given contaminated food was rude or obnoxious in an extreme manner. However, people are confused about what sort of retribution a person could want to enact against airport passengers.

These people are tourists, folks going home for family occasions, or regulars who fly for business. What sort of grudge could these people produce?

Officials confirmed that the contamination was present in only some of the bathrooms at the North Terminal, and none in the McNamara Terminal. The entire incident has a yucky factor that is off the charts.

More than likely, the contaminator is some sort of mentally unstable person who gets his kicks from thinking that other people are using his bodily fluid to rub on their hands. Of course, there could be another explanation, such as the person was trying to cost the airport.

Thankfully, the “unknown” substance is being removed from the airport and the new dispensers will ensure that similar acts of disgusting aggression are prevented. Hopefully the investigation will shed light on the sick person who carried out this act.